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開(kāi)心段子：公交車(chē)很擠，一個(gè)中年婦女帶著一個(gè)六七歲的胖小孩

出處：寶媽網(wǎng) 日期：2025-05-04 02:06:04 編輯：星辰

公交車(chē)很擠，一個(gè)中年婦女帶著一個(gè)六七歲的胖小孩，一上車(chē)一個(gè)勁往里擠，邊擠邊喊：誰(shuí)給我們的寶寶讓個(gè)座啊，我們寶寶還小，不要擠著他。我旁邊一個(gè)民工小哥站起來(lái)給她讓座，中年婦女看了看他，說(shuō)了句：呀，這個(gè)座位臟了，我們的寶寶穿的是白褲子，不要把褲子弄臟了。民工小哥的臉一片通紅，站也不是，坐也不是，那中年婦女拿出紙巾在座位上擦了又擦，最拿紙巾鋪在上面，才讓胖孩子坐了上去?？煜萝?chē)時(shí)，我默默地把嘴里的口香糖黏在了小孩的屁股底下。

昨晚回家，撞到家里的狗正在吭哧吭哧啃大頭菜，開(kāi)燈的一瞬間狗愣住了，嘴里的菜紛紛掉到地板上，一臉“臥槽身敗名裂”的表情，一步步向后退，縮到床底下去了?？蛇^(guò)了一會(huì)兒又裝作什么都沒(méi)發(fā)生，一臉“呀！主人你回來(lái)了！”的表情，愉快地躥出來(lái)了……你演技再好，也不能忘了自己是一只狗狗好嗎？你吃大頭菜，讓兔子怎么辦！

一個(gè)阿姨過(guò)來(lái)買(mǎi)烤魷魚(yú)，稱(chēng)了一下。我告訴她：十九塊七、就給十九吧！她說(shuō)：行，幫我再加點(diǎn)醬和孜然。加完醬和孜然，阿姨說(shuō)話(huà)了：“怎么那么貴啊，十五塊錢(qián)吧，不然我不要了我微笑著說(shuō)：慢走不送。然后當(dāng)著她的面，把做好的魷魚(yú)倒給了天天過(guò)來(lái)的流浪狗。沒(méi)什么，有錢(qián)就任性，有病得怨命。

今天坐公交車(chē)，人特別多，這時(shí)上來(lái)了一個(gè)大媽?zhuān)铰嫩橎堑刈叩轿颐媲笆疽馕易屪覜](méi)理她，那大媽就說(shuō)現(xiàn)在的年輕人真沒(méi)素質(zhì)，我頓時(shí)就火了：別以為我不認(rèn)識(shí)你，你天天在我們樓下跳廣場(chǎng)舞跳得地動(dòng)山搖，跟鄰居們飆臟話(huà)整個(gè)小區(qū)都能聽(tīng)見(jiàn)，你特么一坐車(chē)就不行了，跟你比，這一車(chē)人哪個(gè)不是弱勢(shì)群體??？車(chē)?yán)镱D時(shí)一片寂靜，過(guò)了幾秒鐘后，掌聲震天。兒子一歲四個(gè)月，前幾天扁桃體炎去醫(yī)院打點(diǎn)滴。打完點(diǎn)滴醫(yī)生給額頭針頭處貼了一個(gè)藥用創(chuàng)可貼，回到家中他就老是用手去摸，小心翼翼的那種摸，后來(lái)實(shí)在沒(méi)忍住，將創(chuàng)可貼撕了下來(lái)，拿到眼前觀察了半天。本以為他會(huì)扔掉，結(jié)果這小子又將創(chuàng)可貼高高舉起，啪的一聲貼在了腦門(mén)上。兒子，我很想告訴你，方向沒(méi)找對(duì)！

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